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On
Friendship
by Marcus Tullius Cicero
The right course is to choose for a friend one
who is frank, sociable and sympathetic -- that is,
one who is likely to be influenced by the same
motives as yourself -- since all these qualities
induce to loyalty; for it is impossible for a man
to be loyal whose nature is full of twists and
twinings; and, indeed, one who is untouched by the
same influences as yourself and is naturally
unsympathetic cannot be loyal.
Since happiness is our best and highest aim we
must, if we would attain it, give our attention to
virtue, without which we can obtain neither
friendship nor any other desirable thing; on the
other hand, those who slight virtue and yet think
that they have friends perceive their mistake at
last when some grievous misfortune causes them to
put their friends to the test. Virtue both creates
the bond of friendship and preserves it. For in
virtue is complete harmony, in her is permanence,
in her is fidelity; and when she has raised her
head and shown her own light, and recognized the
same light in another, she moves towards it and in
turn receives its beams; as a result love or
friendship leaps into flame.
We must despair of the safety of the man whose
ears are so closed to truth that he cannot hear
what is true from a friend. For there is shrewdness
in that well-known saying of Cato: "Some men are
better served by their bitter-tongued enemies than
by their sweet-smiling friends; because the former
often tell the truth; the latter, never."
***
New friendships are not be scorned if they offer
hope of bearing fruit, like green shoots of corn
that do not disappoint us at harvest time; yet the
old friendships must preserve their own place, for
the force of age and habit is very great.
In the intimacy existing between friends and
relatives the superior should put himself on a
level with his inferior, so the latter ought not to
grieve that he is surpassed by the former in
intellect, fortune or position. Even if you could
bestow upon another any honor you chose, yet you
must consider what he is able to bear.
Difference of character is attended by
difference of taste and it is this diversity of
taste that severs friendships; nor is there any
other cause why good men cannot be friends to
wicked men, or wicked men to good men, except that
there is the greatest possible difference between
them in character.
We must be ever on the search for some persons
whom we shall love and who will love us in return;
for if good will and affection are taken away,
every joy is taken from life.
Excerpted from On
Friendship, by Marcus Tullius Cicero
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