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BOOK REVIEW Why Men Never Remember and Women Never Forget by Marianne J. Legato, MD, FACP Rodale Books - August 2005 Read an Excerpt from this Book
Reviewed by Dr. Jonathan Dolhenty
I never gave much thought to the "real" differences between males and females, other than the obvious physical differences we all learn about in our earliest years, but, somehow, I knew there were more profound differences than I had recognized and, for the most part, had ignored them. Like all males, I have interacted with the opposite sex all my life and merely chalked up the personality-bound dissimilarities between us as the result of socio-cultural influences and the ways in which we were individually treated. Physiological research into the variances between the sexes, other than the visible ones, was not a subject much emphasized nor much discussed. How times have changed! Brain studies, with investigations into the chemistry of hormones, proteins, and the like, plus the explosion of knowledge about genes and their influence on human physiology and behavior, have provided us with new and fascinating insights into the fundamental asymmetries which exist between men and women, regardless of the environment in which they were raised. In her new book, Why Men Never Remember and Women Never Forget, Dr. Marianne Legato has summarized much of the recent research and used the results to offer a very practical guide for ordinary men and women to use in evaluating gender relationships and for understanding the psychological and social differences between the sexes, based on the biology involved, with the hope that such awareness will help avoid many of the difficulties that occur within marriages, friendships, and other types of associations. And she does all this while entertaining the reader with interesting anecdotes and sidebars, using an easy writing style which is pleasing to both the mind and the eye. This is quite an achievement in a book which contains much technical information gleaned from recent scientific studies within the disciplines of medicine, physiology, biology, and such. She begins her book with an interesting "true and false" feature. "True or false: Sex is determined by our biology." Do you know the correct answer? "True or false: There are significant differences between the brains of men and women." The answer may surprise you! "True or False: The brain has a sex at birth." Some people may be surprised here also. "True or False: Men's brains are bigger." Never thought about this topic before, but now I have; is it true or false? This is just a sampling of the "true and false" feature she has in the first chapter; some of the other topics she tackles are just as provocative and are sure to raise the hackles of some members of both sexes. But, after all, "truth" is truth, and sometimes a bitter pill. Political correctness has no place in the natural and physical sciences. Chapter Two is devoted to the question: "What attracts us to one another and how do we fall in love?" Having been in love many times myself (on various levels, of course!), I often wondered what provided the "essential key" to falling in love with a particular person while ignoring another person even though similar in many ways. Well (and please don't let this information dampen your romantic relationships!), a lot of it has to do with chemistry and your brain. Many of us have said over the years, mostly with tongue in cheek: "I guess the 'chemistry' between us is just right and that's why we fell in love." Now we can take someone seriously who says that because, in fact, there is scientific evidence supporting such a statement. We weren't wrong after all. We just didn't know why we were right! Virtually all of us have noticed, I think, that there's often a communication problem between the sexes. Women complain that men just don't listen to them and don't respond in the way desired. Men complain that women are always dredging something up from the past that isn't important anymore. And so it goes. Dr. Legato discusses, in the third chapter, this matter of listening, hearing, and remembering. Yes, there appears to be a biological explanation for differences in the way men and women communicate. The reader will be fascinated with the findings, and the author provides, in Chapter Four, some helpful guidelines for diffusing and preventing communication problems between the sexes ("Legato's Laws"). In Chapters Five and Six, the author discusses marriage, family, and parenthood. Stress and depression are the subjects of Chapters Seven and Eight and, yes, there are differences in the way women and men react to stress, and depression has differing gender characteristics. The final chapter turned out to be of specific interest to me since it deals with men, women, and aging (I am approaching still another birthday). The title of this chapter, "Where Did I Leave My Keys?," could have well applied to me a few months ago when, indeed, I lost my keys and didn't know where I lost them (left them in my post office box). But the fact is, I am finding myself not as sharp in the memory department as I was when younger. As Dr. Legato points out, and few of us seem to think about, our brains are aging right along with the rest of our body. She says she also has to pay more attention to where she puts her own keys now, "so I won't spend 15 minutes looking for them the next morning." I can relate to that. In conclusion, I can say, without any reservations, that this book is an excellent read. I can't think of a person who won't benefit from the information contained within and the helpful guidelines and recommendations the author provides. Admittedly, I am biased in favor of works which translate contemporary scientific research into useful information for ordinary readers. After all, of what good is science if it doesn't help us live better lives? As one critic has stated: "Reading this book is a total 'aha' experience from start to finish." I couldn't agree more. Order at Amazon.com Why Men Never Remember and Women Never Forget, by Marianne J. Legato, MD, FACP |
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Enrich your life with a book about politics and current events... Enrich your political & social life with a politics or news magazine... |
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