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May 4, 2009
Slowwwwww
. . . Downnnnnn . . .
by Sean Stephenson
Author of Get Off Your "But":
How to End Self-Sabotage and Stand Up for
Yourself
One thing I hear over and over from clients is
that they just don't have enough time. That's kind
of funny, because our world moves fast, and we move
fast -- you'd think we'd have plenty of time. But
moving fast makes us feel as if we can't catch up.
Rushing certainly doesn't give us physical
confidence. When we're running at top speed all the
time, we can't relax, and others can't relax around
us.
The solution is easy: Slow. Down. Your.
Movements.
I'm not talking about moving as if you were
running in slow motion; I am simply suggesting that
you be more aware of how your body is moving. If
you want to be more comfortable with yourself and
make others feel comfortable when they are around
you, pay attention to the following areas:
- Relax. Keep your entire body loose.
If your fists are clenched, release them. Let go
of any tension you're harboring anywhere in your
body.
-
- Breathe. if you're taking shallow
breaths, begin taking slower and deeper breaths.
Be sure to exhale completely! If you find
yourself fidgeting (for example, dipping your
hands in and out of your pockets; fiddling with
any object obsessively; chewing your nails;
playing with your hair; tapping your feet,
hands, or fingers), take a deep breath in,
smile, gently place your body in a comfortable
position -- and leave it there.
-
- Slow down your blinking. Be aware of
your blinking rate. If it's too fast, slow it
down.
-
- Bring your head up. Keep your
shoulders back and your head up. This will
almost automatically keep your optimism up. When
we look out at the world, we think about things
outside ourselves. When we look down, we tend to
go inward. Our mind accesses self-talk and
emotions, and that can disconnect us from the
present moment. Keeping your shoulders back will
also open up your heart chakra and show others
that you're open to giving and receiving
love.
-
- Adopt good posture. Keep your body
relaxed and slightly asymmetric. No sitting or
standing at attention, with, shoulders squared
and feet together, like a soldier. This
symmetric posture conveys the message that
you're ready to attack, whereas holding your
body slightly (yet consciously) off kilter
conveys you have no intention to cause harm.
You're just there to relax and have a good
time.
-
- Use a strong tone of voice. Keep your
voice under conscious control. if you listen to
any good radio DJ, you'll notice that he never
speaks in a slow, boring monotone. He keeps the
volume, tempo, and pitch of his voice smooth and
controlled. When he takes breaths, he makes the
sound intentional.
-
- Smile! Please don't force a big,
scary, stiff smile that stays plastered on your
face no matter what. Make it a gentle, subtle
smile that comes from your open heart and feels
comfortable.
-
- Be peaceful. The more still and calm
you are, the better. Our eyes and ears catch
sudden or awkward changes in movements and
sounds, and automatically register them as
potential threats. The more you can keep your
body still and your voice controlled and
relaxed, the better equipped you'll be to keep
the peace around you and certainly within
you.
Sensory Acuity
If you pay close attention to microchanges in
physiology, you can tell when your feelings (or
someone else's feelings) are shifting. Our
awareness of these details is referred to as
sensory acuity. The following physical cues
telegraph your internal emotional condition:
- Pupil dilation: The larger the
pupils, the more open and connected we feel (if
not influenced by direct light or drugs, that
is).
-
- Flushed skin: The more red the skin
(specifically in the face), the more
uncomfortable, fearful, embarrassed, or sexually
nervous we feel.
-
- Muscle tension: The tenser the facial
muscles, specifically around the eyes, the more
uncomfortable we are. Neck tension is a very
good indicator of feeling overwhelmed.
-
- Quick breathing: The more quickly we
breathe (unless we have just done some physical
activity), the shallower the breaths we take,
and the higher in the lungs our breath comes
from, the more constricted we feel (and probably
are) overall. If we take slow, deep, and fully
belly breaths, we're likely to be more
comfortable in the moment.
-
- Lip configuration: if our lips are
unnaturally pursed and slightly white, we're
likely to be upset or extremely displeased. If
the lips are full, smooth, and a deep shade of
red, we may be feeling sexually aroused,
emotionally excited, or at total peace.
The
above is an excerpt from the book Get Off
Your "But": How to End Self-Sabotage and Stand Up
for Yourself by Sean Stephenson. Copyright
© 2009 by Sean Stephenson. Reprinted with
permission of the publisher, John Wiley & Sons,
Inc.
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Sean Clinch Stephenson, author of
Get
Off Your "But": How to End Self-Sabotage
and Stand Up for Yourself,
is one of the leading authorities on the
deconstruction of self-sabotage (what he
calls getting people off their BUTs). A
psychotherapist and internationally known
professional speaker, he publishes the
international men's online magazine
InnerGameMagazine.com and has a private
psychotherapy practice. For more
information please visit www.timetostand.com.
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