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June
20, 2007
Deer Hunting
with Jesus
Things You
May Not Know
by Fred Reed
Long
ago, having had to write more book reviews than I
wanted, I decided that I would rather have pile
surgery by an ocelot than write another. Then I got
an advance copy of Deer
Hunting with Jesus, by Joe Bageant, and
realized that I had to come out of retirement.
It's, you know, like noblesse oblige. Here
goes.
Bageant is a redneck, and his book is about
rednecks, who are a huge, sprawling class of people
found everywhere but mostly invisible. They aren't
what people think they are. (Though, given that a
strange mixture of folk read this column, I'd
better be careful with generalizations.) They
actually have lives, and problems, and stories.
They can be amusing, admirable, exasperating, and
pathetic. Mostly nobody cares. If you truly are
interested in how America works, in what's out
there down the side roads, shell out the lousy
$16.50 and read the sucker.
Now, quickly before I lose all my readers: Two
things Deer Hunting isn't. First, although Bageant
has a sense of humor, and doesn't hide it well, the
book is not -- is not at all -- the sort of
cutesy-phony redneck wit that floats around the
internet ("You know you are a redneck if you have a
'54 Merc on blocks outside your trailer
.")
True, a certain folk wisdom shines through in
parts. ("Things I have learned at Burt's Tavern:
(1) Never shack up with a divorced woman who is two
house payments behind, and swears you are the best
sex she ever had. (2) Never eat cocktail weenies
out of the urinal, no matter how big the bet
gets.") But this is salad dressing. The book is
dead serious.
Second, it certainly is not academic sociology,
which reads like a truss ad but without the insight
and grace. The guy is very sharp and well read and
he's been around. He spent the Vietnam years
throwing airplanes off an aircraft carrier, and
later edited Military History magazine. Further, he
is an authority on bars, hunting, lousy jobs, and
misery. He has been there.
Now, politics. Bageant is in favor of universal
health care, which to conservatives is worse than
finding half a bull roach in your egg-burger. We've
all heard the tales of welfare queens and
exploitation of the dread entitlements by shiftless
parasites who breed like Renaissance popes at
public expense. Some of that exists, chiefly in
cities. Food stamps regularly get turned into
drug-and-booze money. All sorts of swindles exist,
chiefly in cities.
But the people Bageant writes about don't fit
this story. They are folk who worked all their
lives, worked hard for shit wages at stultifying
jobs and always showed up. And now, at the ends of
their lives, they've got nothing. Well, they've got
diabetes, which I guess is something. And maybe
congestive heart failure and a pittance of social
security. Know what pharmaceuticals cost? The
choice comes to pills or heating oil.
It ain't right.
Mostly he writes about Winchester, Virginia,
where he grew up and now lives again. But
Winchester is pretty much anywhere and everywhere.
You just don't see it. Drive a few miles south of
DC on Route 301 in Maryland and you come to
Waldorf. There, in the Wigwam, a down-demographic
girly bar, you see (or did see; it's been years)
the dump truck drivers with baseball hats on
backwards and triceps flapping like water balloons.
Except very few see them. Rednecks. They hoot and
holler and chaff with the girls and probably aren't
who your mother wanted you to play with.
You don't see that these guys work as
"independent contractors," meaning no retirement or
benefits, at sorry wages, and live a paycheck or
two away from nothing, in crumbling fifth-rate
modular homes or trailers that lose value instead
of gaining it. When they're thirty and healthy,
it's not bad. It's at the end that things get
rough, or when someone gets sick.
Rednecks, as Bageant explains in detail, are
dumber than dirt. They're not bad people. You can
heist a brew with them and talk about NASCAR and
gobble wings and, with a little effort, come away
liking them. But they don't know squat. They are
easily suckered by real-estate scammers and
corporate con artists. The level of genuine
illiteracy in America is much higher than most
think. Add people who can barely read, and
therefore don't, and have never read a book in
their lives, and you get s disconcerting number. In
thousands of Winchesters, this is the norm.
Everything comes from television, mostly Fox
News, and from Rush Limbaugh. They don't have
passports, may not know what one is, and seldom
leave the county where they were born.
Bageant knows what he is talking about. I know
he does because I grew up mostly in small Southern
towns and half-empty counties, including King
George County, Virginia, a few hours from
Winchester. Same people. I dated the girls and got
drunk with the boys and saw how they lived. Those
people worked. My best girlfriend in high school
got up at four in the morning to help her father
pull crab pots on the Potomac. She was pretty as
any picture could hope to be, even with lots of
imagination and on acid, but she could have thrown
a Volkswagen over a four-storey building. They
worked.
The thing is that people who went to college
mostly don't know about rednecks, or how many there
are, or why they do what they do.What they think
they know is usually wrong. I once talked to a
psychologist from some semi-Ivy school and the
subject of guns came up. She immediately launched
into gunsaretokillpeoplegunsaretokillpeople,
essentially pre-recorded. "Why else would anyone
want guns, except to kill people?"
I mentioned hunting, and it bounced off. No
response, just didn't register. She was intelligent
and not mean-spirited, but didn't know that to
Bageant's people, to my high-school classmates, a
hundred pounds of dressed deer meat meant eating
decently. She thought guns were to kill people
because in cities, all she knew, that's what the
urban savages used them for. Fact is, redneckdom is
heavily armed and neither Bageant nor I can
remember anyone being shot, purposefully or
accidentally. She wouldn't have believed it. Guns
are to kill people.
And my god, the born-again evangelical
Christians who are waiting to be sucked up by the
Rapture as if by a god-powered Hoovermatic vacuum
cleaner. They are serious as melanoma and could
give any Muslim sect known a run for its extremism
money. I'm running out of space, but Bageant knows
them by their first names, grew up with them, and
doesn't chrome-plate them to make them seem shinier
than they are. The country a lot of people live in
isn't the one they think they live in.
Worth a read. Funny, thought-provoking and,
though it creeps up on you, profound. Cheap,
too.
Reed
Archive
Copyright 2007 by Fred Reed and reproduced here by
permission of the author.
About the Author (by the author):
Fred Reed is a Marine combat veteran, police
reporter, amateur biochemist, former long-haul
hitchhiker, and part-time sociopath living in
Mexico. Fred, a keyboard mercenary with a
disorganized past, has worked on staff for Army
Times, The Washingtonian, Soldier of Fortune,
Federal Computer Week, and The Washington
Times. He has been published in Playboy,
Soldier of Fortune, The Wall Street Journal, The
Washington Post, Harper's, National Review, Signal,
Air&Space, and suchlike. He has worked as a
police writer, technology editor, military
specialist, and authority on mercenary soldiers. He
is by all accounts as looney as a tune.
Visit the "Fred
on Everything" website to read his previous
columns and sign up for his regular e-mail
feature.
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The essays in A Brass Pole in
Bangkok, are sometimes wildly funny,
sometimes deadly serious, always merciless
in their unmasking of the pretenses and
charlatans of society. Fred, a former
Marine, subscribes to no ideology ("an
ideology is just a systematic way of
misunderstanding the world") but
exuberantly wreaks havoc on practically
everything, and delights in everything
else: the psychotherapy swindle, squalling
feminists, race racketeers, damn fool
wars, red-light districts in Asia, and
tequila fests in Mexico, where he
lives.
A
Brass Pole in Bangkok: A Thing I Aspire To
Be, by Fred Reed
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Buy Fred's new reprehensible book,
Nekkid In Austin! Another
collection of Fred's collected outrages,
irresponsible ravings, and curmudgeonry
from "Fred On Everything" and some
innocent magazines that, he says,
foolishly published him. Wildly funny,
sometimes wacky, always provocative essays
on the collapse of America.
Nekkid
in Austin: Drop Your Inner Child Down a
Well, by Fred Reed
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