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August
1, 2009
Oh, Help: I
Shouldn't Read the News. I Really
Shouldn't
by Fred Reed
I love it. The following is an account of
Admiral Mike Mullen, chairman of the Joint Chiefs
of Staff, talking to Albert Jazeera:
"When asked why the United States was not in
FATA despite having the knowledge that Al Qaeda was
present there, he [Admiral Mullen] said,
'Because FATA is in Pakistan and Pakistan is a
sovereign country and we don't go into sovereign
countries.'"
Hahn? The hell we don't. What was this buoyant
cannibal thinking? The US loves to go into
sovereign countries. It hardly does anything else.
I suppose Iraq wasn't sovereign. It isn't now, but
it was. How about Panama, Laos, Cambodia,? We gave
Pakistan, until recently sovereign, the choice of
inviting us to kill its people with drones, or else
be bombed into the Stone Age. Recently we have
bombed Somalia, technically sovereign.
When the Pentagon's alpha-floater says something
so transparently nonsensical, so patently false,
one wonders: Is he merely lying, or does he somehow
actually believe this stuff? I mean, drugs are
supposed to be discouraged by the Navy.
Next, more comic-book moral leadership, this
time from Ralph Peters, the pay-per-view
Clausewitze for Fox News. Walphie, a retired
colonel, is hugely in favor of the war against
Islam. Grrrrr. Fierce he is. He is a retired
"intelligence" officer, and therefore all-wise in
things military. And he is Upset. Good.
Before exploring his upsettance, we might note
that Walph is of the school of martial ferocity
holding that other people should go get killed. Not
Walph. He is what in a forgotten war in Asia we
called a REMF. That's Rear-Echelon Motherfucker. It
refers to paper-pushers who sit safely way behind
the lines while men in the military fight. Walph
spent his career largely in Europe, a real hardship
post . I mean, sometimes your martini might not be
properly chilled. A veritable Tamerlane of the
cocktail circuit, Walph.
But don't underestimate him. The blood lust of a
podium doughnut is a thing to reckon with, I
reckon. Kings faint. Empires quail.
Another point worth considering is that
"intelligence officer" doesn't mean "an intelligent
officer." Except during WWII, the intel analysts
have had a dismal record. Just off the top of my
head, Naval Intelligence didn't know where the
Japanese fleet was in 1941, oops. The Korean War
caught the spooks flatfooted, as did the entry of
the Chinese into the war. The intel weenies didn't
predict that the Viets would fight, though the
French experience wasn't secret. There was the
comic-opera Son Tay raid, in which the military
choppered into Hanoi to rescue American POWs, only
to find that the spooks hadn't noticed the
prisoners had been moved. The CIA didn't predict
that the Cubans would fail to turn against Castro
in the Bay of Pigs. They were surprised when the
Berlin Wall went up, and when it came down, and
again when the USSR, its chief object of study,
went tits up. There was the clownish business of
the Glomar Explorer. The Air Force bombed the
Chinese Embassy in Belgrade because the weenies
didn't know where it was (try the phone book,
maybe?). They didn't warn that the Arabs might
fight in Iraq, perhaps never having heard of
Israel. They didn't predict 9/11, and can't find
bin Laden.
I'm impressed, Walph. You're an intelligence
officer.
Now, why is Peters all wrought up? It seems that
an American private by name of Bowe Bergdahl got
captured by the Taliban in Afghanistan, or got
tired of killing Afghans and deserted, or
something. Bergdahl then showed up all over the
internet drinking tea with his captors in a video
in which he pleaded for America to bring its troops
home. Peters waxed wroth over this "disloyalty,"
and opined that it would be a good thing if the
Taliban killed the kid to save the cost of a
trial.
There is something unseemly in this
over-promoted clerk, for whom a war wound would
mean a paper cut, savaging a young man in the hands
of the Taliban. If Bergdahl was captured against
his will, and the Taliban are as bad as the
Walphies tell us, he faces torture if he doesn't
cooperate. How manly of Walph to urge that Bergdahl
be peeled alive and have his joints crushed.
Typical officer.
After the death of my father, a veteran of the
Pacific in WWII, I found a published letter he had
written to the Washington Post during Korea. Dad,
who spent his life as a weapons-development
mathematician, was no peacenik. He said that
captured American troops should be told to confess
to anything whatever rather than be tortured.
You are a hell of a man, Walph. You really
are.
But suppose that Bergdahl got tired of killing
people he had no reason to kill, and escaped to the
Taliban. Why would this be disloyalty to the United
States? Where is the benefit of the war to America?
The Pentagon is killing GI after GI after GI for no
reason. It is also killing Afghans for no reason.
Loyalty to America would seem to consist in
refusing to do it.
There are countervailing retired colonels. Try
Ltc. Karen Kwiatowski, (she has an archive at
lewrockwell.com). She suspects that Peters is
worried because the Bergdahl affair may indicate
that the troops are getting fed up and preparing to
bail by one route or another. True? I don't know.
Yet it has to be the prevailing nightmare in the
Five-Sided Death Box. This sure happened in our
Asian foray into the dissemination of democracy.
Fraggings were the most conspicuous form of
disagreement, but there were enough unreported
mutinies and refusals to fight.
Then I find this: "A U.S. military spokeswoman
in Afghanistan, Lt. Cmdr. Christine Sidenstricker,
said the Taliban was [sic] using their
captive for propaganda. 'They are exploiting the
soldier in violation of international law,' she
said. U.S. military spokesman Colonel Greg Julian
added, "We condemn the use of this video and the
public humiliation of prisoners."
Most harrumphish, Christine is. This brings me
back to the question of Admiral Mullen's assertion
of the obviously untrue. Humiliation of prisoners?
Does this twit Christine Whatever compartmentalize
her mind to the point that she isn't aware of
Guantanamo? As for international law, I have the
impression that torture of prisoners transgresses
it. Torture is American national policy. Anyway,
who was humiliated, the prisoner or the Pentagon?
Christine will of course say whatever she is told
to say, that being the function of flacks, flacks
being the low-rent Goerings that they are. I need a
drink.
Reed
Archive
Copyright 2009 by Fred Reed and reproduced here by
permission of the author.
About
the Author (by the author):
Fred Reed is a Marine combat veteran, police
reporter, amateur biochemist, former long-haul
hitchhiker, and part-time sociopath living in
Mexico. Fred, a keyboard mercenary with a
disorganized past, has worked on staff for Army
Times, The Washingtonian, Soldier of Fortune,
Federal Computer Week, and The Washington
Times. He has been published in Playboy,
Soldier of Fortune, The Wall Street Journal, The
Washington Post, Harper's, National Review, Signal,
Air&Space, and suchlike. He has worked as a
police writer, technology editor, military
specialist, and authority on mercenary soldiers. He
is by all accounts as looney as a tune.
Visit the "Fred
on Everything" website to read his previous
columns and sign up for his regular e-mail
feature.
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The essays in A Brass Pole in
Bangkok, are sometimes wildly funny,
sometimes deadly serious, always merciless
in their unmasking of the pretenses and
charlatans of society. Fred, a former
Marine, subscribes to no ideology ("an
ideology is just a systematic way of
misunderstanding the world") but
exuberantly wreaks havoc on practically
everything, and delights in everything
else: the psychotherapy swindle, squalling
feminists, race racketeers, damn fool
wars, red-light districts in Asia, and
tequila fests in Mexico, where he
lives.
A
Brass Pole in Bangkok: A Thing I Aspire To
Be, by Fred Reed
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Buy Fred's new reprehensible book,
Nekkid In Austin! Another
collection of Fred's collected outrages,
irresponsible ravings, and curmudgeonry
from "Fred On Everything" and some
innocent magazines that, he says,
foolishly published him. Wildly funny,
sometimes wacky, always provocative essays
on the collapse of America.
Nekkid
in Austin: Drop Your Inner Child Down a
Well, by Fred Reed
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