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August
5, 2009
Fred Admits
Journalistic Dishonesty About Mexico
Who Could
Have Thought It?
by Fred Reed
I have a confession to make to my readers. I
have been lying about Mexico. Yes. I am a poor
sinner and meant no harm, but the devil got into
me, and I have done wrong. I have said that Mexico
was a pleasant country of agreeable people, and
harmless. I have said that children here run and
play in the fountains and enjoy the blessed life of
the happy young. No, no! It wasn't true. They die
of hunger in the streets. Nay, Haiti must seem a
paradise by comparison.
Oh, if I could repent and redeem myself! I know
now I have lured many innocent Americans, virgins
(well, that may be stretching it), children, people
of ripe years and helpless, into this hellhole of
disease and corruption, where they have been robbed
and killed and left to moulder in unmarked graves,
like Ambrose Bierce. I laughed at Americans who
asked me whether Mexico had paved roads. Oh, the
shame of it! The truth is that Mexico does not.
There are no paved roads in Mexico.
How I repent my lies. But it is too late.
What changed my life, and brought me to truth
and the hope of salvation was the horrid death of
my friend Richard and his sweet family. We found
his mortal remains in the burning rubble of his
home in Jocotepec, a village on the north shore of
Lake Chapala. Beside his half-eaten body we found
his diary of his family's last days. I reproduce
parts of it here with other accurate and damning
verities about this abominable country.
"July 2. We have been hearing gunfire in
thehills but figure it is just narcos settling
accounts. It has happened before."
"July 6. Explosions in the hills last night.
Probably RPGs."
Any American living here, if honest, will tell
you that rocket fire is common. Especially during
fiestas. Veterans of Viet Nam say that at times the
detonations are as intense as anything they
experienced in Asia.
"July 9. My daughter Chuleta arrived late at
school today. A rabid coyote was in the street
outside the house. She came back right away, having
found that her class had been kidnapped again,
except those at home with swine flu. The teachers
say that if the children are released they will
have to make the days up."
"July 10. Peter Johnson is dead, presumably
from food poisoning from bad mocha at the coffee
shop on the plaza. Our group of Americans no longer
leave our houses. We are cut off."
And to think that I once made fun of Americans
who believed disease to be everywhere in Mexico.
How many of them have I killed with my
fabrications?
"July 14. A policeman was shot to death by
narcos this morning in the plaza, apparently to
steal his cocaine. The water-treatment plant has
stopped working. We fear plagues."
"July 17. We stay in the house. Chuleta is
sick with cholera. Dr. Perez came from the
government clinic and sacrificed a chicken, but she
got no better. He said it was a difficult case and
would require a specialist who would chant and burn
pig entrails."
Food has become scarce in Mexico, a failed
state. The reason of course is that the narcos have
taken over all the farms to plant hemp, coca,
poppies, and marijuana. A certain amount of corn is
grown in clandestine fields in the mountains, but
aircraft from the government spray these crops with
herbicides.
"July 19. Chuleta died today. We were going
to have a funeral but the wild dogs ate
her."
"July 21. I am alone. Even the government is
attacking us. The helicopter of the Mexican air
force dropped a load of cheap plaster bulls on the
house. One hit my wife on the head. I was able to
bury her decently because the sewage overflow from
the water treatment plant has drowned the wild
dogs."
We who live in this inferno have learned not to
trust the government. For years we heard from the
peasants of nightmarish creatures that came from
volcanic vents and devastated whole populations. We
didn't believe it. President Calderon himself
assured us that it wasn't true. Strange creatures?
What nonsense. But then
.
"July 23. We are doomed. This will be my last
entry. The sewage has reached the front gate and
feral possums have come from the hills to feed on
corpses. If anyone finds this, tell my daughters in
Spokane goodbye. For God's sake stay away from
Mexico.
The possums are coming
."
Reed
Archive
Copyright 2009 by Fred Reed and reproduced here by
permission of the author.
About
the Author (by the author):
Fred Reed is a Marine combat veteran, police
reporter, amateur biochemist, former long-haul
hitchhiker, and part-time sociopath living in
Mexico. Fred, a keyboard mercenary with a
disorganized past, has worked on staff for Army
Times, The Washingtonian, Soldier of Fortune,
Federal Computer Week, and The Washington
Times. He has been published in Playboy,
Soldier of Fortune, The Wall Street Journal, The
Washington Post, Harper's, National Review, Signal,
Air&Space, and suchlike. He has worked as a
police writer, technology editor, military
specialist, and authority on mercenary soldiers. He
is by all accounts as looney as a tune.
Visit the "Fred
on Everything" website to read his previous
columns and sign up for his regular e-mail
feature.
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The essays in A Brass Pole in
Bangkok, are sometimes wildly funny,
sometimes deadly serious, always merciless
in their unmasking of the pretenses and
charlatans of society. Fred, a former
Marine, subscribes to no ideology ("an
ideology is just a systematic way of
misunderstanding the world") but
exuberantly wreaks havoc on practically
everything, and delights in everything
else: the psychotherapy swindle, squalling
feminists, race racketeers, damn fool
wars, red-light districts in Asia, and
tequila fests in Mexico, where he
lives.
A
Brass Pole in Bangkok: A Thing I Aspire To
Be, by Fred Reed
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Buy Fred's new reprehensible book,
Nekkid In Austin! Another
collection of Fred's collected outrages,
irresponsible ravings, and curmudgeonry
from "Fred On Everything" and some
innocent magazines that, he says,
foolishly published him. Wildly funny,
sometimes wacky, always provocative essays
on the collapse of America.
Nekkid
in Austin: Drop Your Inner Child Down a
Well, by Fred Reed
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