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November
1, 2006
Rattlesnakes
for Felons
Ben
Franklin's Immigration Plan
by Steve
Farrell
 As
the illegal immigration debacle remains unresolved
-- a little wit and wisdom from Benjamin Franklin
might be useful.
On August 13, 1751, Mr. Franklin was placed on a
committee in the Pennsylvania Assembly to draft a
bill dealing with the exclusion of criminals from
the province. We read courtesy of his 1939 Pulitzer
Prize winning biographer, Carl Van Orden:
- It was a matter on which [Franklin]
had already written in the "Gazette" for 9 May
[1751].
-
- As Americanus, he aimed a bitter arrow at
the British government, which insisted on
exporting felons to the colonies, no matter how
the colonies protested. It was, the mother
country said, for the "improvement and well
peopling" of America. Such parental concern,
Americanus thought, called for some kind of
filial acknowledgment, and at least the offer of
repayment. Americanus had a plan.
-
- "In some of the uninhabited parts of these
provinces there are numbers of the venomous
reptiles we call rattle-snakes: felons-convict
from the beginning of the world. These, whenever
we meet with them, we put to death, by virtue of
an old law: Thou shalt bruise his head. But as
this is a sanguinary law, and may seem too
cruel; and as, however mischievous those
creatures are with us, they may possibly change
their natures if they were to change the
climate; I would humbly propose that this
general sentence of death be charged for
transportation. In the spring of the year, when
they first creep out of their holes, they are
feeble, heavy, slow, and easily taken; and if a
small bounty were allowed per head, some
thousands might be collected annually and
transported to Britain. There I would propose to
have them carefully distributed in St. James
Park, in the Spring Gardens and other places of
pleasure about London; in the gardens of all the
nobility and gentry throughout the nation; but
particularly in the gardens of the prime
ministers, the lords of trade, and members of
Parliament, for to them we are most particularly
obliged."
-
- There might be some difficulties in the
scheme, but no worse than went with the
transporting of felons to America. "Let not
private interests obstruct public utility. Our
mother knows what is best for us. What is a
little housebreaking, shoplifting, or highway
robbing; what is a son now and then corrupted
and hanged, a daughter debauched and poxed, a
wife stabbed or a husband's throat cut, or a
child's brains beat out with an axe, compared
with this improvement and well peopling of the
colonies?"
-
- Whatever damage the rattle-snakes might do
might be offset by their good example. "Might
not the honest, rough British gentry, by a
familiarity with these reptiles, learn to creep
and to insinuate and to slaver and to wriggle
into place (and perhaps to poison such as stand
in their way): qualities of no small advantage
to courtiers?"
-
- This would be a just trade as well as
gratitude for a favour. "Rattle-snakes seem the
most suitable returns for the human serpents
sent to us by our mother country. In this,
however, as in every other branch of trade, she
will have the advantage of us. She will reap
equal benefits without equal risk of the
inconveniences and dangers. For the rattle-snake
gives warning before he attempts his mischief;
which the convict does not." (1)
Wit and wisdom? Yes -- for all immigration
plans, all common (free) market ploys, especially
the sort that invite our neighbor's worst to move
in on us (illegally), to feed off the fat of the
land, and otherwise housebreak, shoplift, rob,
rape, beat, corrupt, debauch, and pox (and hand us
the bill) -- are not equal.
Footnote:
Benjamin Franklin, 1751, as quoted by Carl Van
Doren in his 1939 Pulitzer Prize winner,
Benjamin Franklin, pgs. 201-202.
Farrell
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